Blogger #1 marriage

to update on the SIL/ex-BIL….I guess that updates itself. ex-BIL did have someone he had aparently been in love with for 3 years. They started having sex with this married woman with 2 teenage kids sometime back in October/November, whenever it was he moved out of Amanda’s house. it is a messed up situation. aparently the husband beat the crap out of ex-BIL at some point. i can only judge what is going on with SIL/ex-BIL because i know what my parent’s marriage was like and while i can justify the way it ended, because my mom didn’t end it as she should have…..i never blamed her for leaving.

so, today i find out the only other couple friend husband and i have without kids has seperated. i would like to say i am shocked, but i have seen this coming for a while. i love them both but the husband doesn’t exactly have his life together and she does. i watch her carry him emotionally, carry the household, make most of the money. she was sholdering too much. i am sad to see this happen and i pray it mends, but i am not shocked.

so many of my friends don’t beleive in marriage or they get married for the wrong reasons, it falls apart. it is odd being married to a wonderful man i love and we have made a decision not to have kids and we are happy with this. we did everything wrong, we didn’t have a real wedding, we didn’t invite our familes to witness this, i am sure people thought what we did was silly and rash and not real. but i have church friends, people i considered to be Christian who date and don’t beleive in marriage and are dating someone outside their faith. so, if you call yourself a Chrisitain that means your beleif system is in the Bible. the Bible says, “don’t give it up ’till you tie the knot,” so how does this work? i don’t know. people don’t discuss this because they don’t want to be held accoutable for this part of their life. i just don’t get it. it was never a question for me. i knew i would find who i should be with and we would wait. period. i just never questioned it, i was never tempted to sway from it.

so, is marriage still relevent?

Congratulations, you have been screwed TWICE!

Blogger #2

So, my work has been less than happy about me giving birth to my child. They have told me that they think my performance is crappy, basically. We have talked about the numbers and I have explained that I have been working the NIGHT SHIFT, where the volume is less. But the reality is, they want to dislike someone who has a child (no one else on the team has ever been on maternity or had a new baby) and there is nothing I can do to change that attitude.

It has been explained to me that I will be getting the lowest bonus I’ve ever gotten and the lowest of the team for this reason (they say “productivity” but I know what they mean).

This is not a big deal, except:

Apparently our company is doing very well this year and they are going to award us additional bonuses. However, the bonuses will be based on the same percentages as our regular bonus. The one where they told me I will be getting hardly anything.

Good times, now I get two bonuses that are BOTH nothing. All because I made the mistake of having a baby.

I cannot imagine how bad this is going to be when I have a second child. I honestly believe I am going to have to quit.

Moody

Blogger #1
I am sick of changing daily to adjust to everyone else’s moods. I am tired of tip toeing around people when I can tell they are in a bad mood. When I am in a bad mood do people tip toe around me? Do they make special consideration for my bad moods? Or do they act like everything is normal or do they pour salt in the wound? The answers would be No, No and Yes. However, I am constnatly making considerations for people so they won’t take their bad day out on me. I walked out on a long term friendship for those reasons. I couldn’t deal with not knowing what “Lucy” I was going to get that day. I can’t do it. I can’t do inconsistant people. If you are in a bad mood don’t pick a fight with me, don’t give me dirty looks when I have done NOTHING to deserve them. Just express you are not doing well today and I will give you space. That is fine. Just don’t freaking take it out on me okay, becuase I didn’t do this to you.

Thankful for my Husband

Blogger #1

SIL = Sister in Law
BIL = Brother in Law
“the parents” = SIL & husband’s parents

What do you do when you see someone making a huge life altering mistake? You tell them a reserved version of your real opinion once and then you leave them to their mistake. Then you watch everyone pretend everything is okay and then soon, you watch everything crash and proceed to burn.

I hope this isn’t what is going to happen. Last Thursday my sister in law tells me her husband said he doesn’t love her anymore and wants to separate. That she needs to take 2 of her 3 kids and move in with her parents. Not only does she need to do this they need to start telling everyone about their separation. He has already told his grandmother. Because SIL has a job she refused to move, saying he should move out if anyone is going to he said she should move into the youngest child’s room so he can move his entertainment (TV & gaming system) into the master so he can lock himself in there to play video games all day. On top of this he said marrying her was a mistake he should have never made. He also proceeded to tell her she didn’t talk enough. This is funny to me (like Alanis Morisette, ironic) because most husbands complain they can’t get their wives to shut up.

I talk to her about this; I give her my only piece of advice, seek counseling, and send her off on her weekend. She had informed me beforehand that her husband was going to her parent’s house (out of town) for the weekend to be paid for chores. She decided to go with them.

All weekend I wait; wondering what is going to happen because according to the husband’s emotions the week before they should start telling everyone and so why would they not tell “the parents” this Father’s Day weekend? Apparently they had a good weekend. So, he is not leaving, no counseling is needed, they are taking it one day at a time.

Okay, I like my BIL. My husband’s family can be very difficult to deal with sometimes and the BIL knows just want to say to break tension. However, BIL/SIL also knows exactly how to cause it. I won’t extensively go into the drama caused over the years I have been apart of the family; I will say AHHHH!!!! To show some perspective as to why I do not trust this sudden reconciliation after a good weekend I will say a few things and then propose a theory that I am 98% isn’t true.

BIL has 3 kids all 6 and under. Often he leaves his wife for the weekend with 3 kids under the age of 6 and one under 2, for the weekend while he goes (out of town) to play cards with his friends. There is always gas money to drive 2 hours one way for a card weekend. When they visit “the parents” (this is what I use to refer to my husband’s & his sister’s parents), he will leave directly after dinner to drive 20 min one way to his friend’s house to play cards until 2:am. One weekend he was bored, for whatever reason, so he was talked out of going to buy a new gaming system by my SIL. He was going to buy a new $200 gaming system, because he was bored one afternoon.

With that said, my SIL never seems happy. Whenever we are at “the parent’s” house all she does is watch TV. She doesn’t play with her kids because we are at “the parent’s” house and it seems this is a land where it is every else’s job. Family comes in from out of town and instead of spending time with them, she watches TV. She NEVER SEEMS HAPPY EVER. She has told me she didn’t want kids, she only had them to make her mother happy. These were her words. In her youth she dated a black boy, in a small town this is shocking and abhorrent behavior. (Honestly, I think she really liked this guy but broke up with him because of social reasons.) They were so happy when she met BIL. He was a nice Christian white (ginger) boy who seemed to really like her. (The truth was he was a very zealous new Christian…another issue for later.) SIL has made comments like, “oh yea, I am so happy now,” so thick was sarcasm it would make a Ricky Jarvase jealous of her skillz. To quote my husband, “sarcasm doesn’t win awards.” Another quick note: The only reason she EVER messages me on FB is to complain. She never has anything positive to say about her life. She constantly complains about her mother never listening to anything, but the moment I interject anything positive or about my life at all she ceases all communication because like most females, they have become what they hate the most, their mother.

At this point what is apparent to me is: SIL is not happy with her life as it is. BIL is selfish & immature. So, do I think everything is okay because they had a good weekend? Not fucking likely.

So, we are now going deep into the land of speculation and not bloody likely. We have a husband who is not happy in the marriage, (some of it has to be caused by his wife not seeming to be happy in their marriage,) going out of town alone all the time, leaving for hours at a time with no accountability at all, not willing to get marriage counseling, had started telling people almost before he even told his wife the marriage was over. We have a husband who is so emotionally flighty he decides not to leave because he had one fun weekend with his wife. Now, I in no way think my BIL has, but if you look at the facts most people would say he is cheating. Me being me, I am not ruling this out, but I do not feel it is likely.

What would I do if I could fix their lives? I would make their asses get to counseling. Seriously; the fact that they won’t almost shows they don’t want it to work. If I thought for one second either of them would communicate in a healthy way and be totally honest with each other I would say skip it. However, we live in the Midwest and anyone who has moved from the Midwest from a part of the country where people express themselves know that Midwesterners can not communicate in a healthy and honest way. They repress and repress and repress and repress and then are passive aggressive and then repress and repress and then tell their wives they are not happy and want out of the marriage.

So, on to my friend’s trouble marriage number two: this morning I receive a FB message from a friend I will call BAM (and her husband MAC). I got into my car this morning and noticed I had left my cell phone in there all night. She and I have plans this weekend. So, send her a FB message back (she had been the last to respond in the communication) saying, “I saw that you called last night. I leave my phone in the car accidentally from time to time so if you don’t get me on the cell then call my home phone.” My response from her is, “MAC was being crazy last night. Punching/hitting himself in the head and then he grabbed my neck. He wasn’t trying to choke me or strangle me or anything, he just grabbed me. Then he said he was going to kill himself and drove off in the car. So I was trying to find someone to talk to figure out what I should do…I finally got a hold of my sister-in-law and she and MAC’s brother both thought I should call the police. So I did. Super embarrassing. There really wasn’t anything they could do because I wouldn’t say he was attacking me or purposely trying to hurt me and I didn’t want to press charges. I just wanted a written public record of what happened. They just recommended that I get a divorce. Easier said than done.” I send her back a response and she responds again saying, “can’t talk right now because I am getting ready to go to KCAI for a couple of appointments. Yeah, he’s fine today. I swear it’s just a game. He made an appt. with his dr. for tomorrow. He’s been really irrational with me at home, saying things that don’t make sense and starting huge fights over literally nothing. I would get a divorce if I could, but it costs money. We have to live separately for 6 months before it goes through. (Daughter) and I are both in really good schools, so I don’t want to move away/out of district. (I will need my degree to get a job that can support us both anyway.) I need someone to watch (Daughter) while I am at school or doing homework. My mom’s house is full of my brother and his 5 kids. I don’t have money for rent or anything…MAC is our sole income. We also only have the one functioning car. So I’m stuck. For now.”

My prayer is that she finished school, finds a job and gets the hell out of Dodge. But what can I do in the mean time. What is my role in this and how far am I allowed to intrude?

Right now I am working on not holding onto these burdens too much. BIL & SIL have to live their own lives and figure this out for themselves. BAM needs to finish school so she can support her child and herself. I will continue to pray for them because I do care a lot. You see the 2 situations and how BIL & SIL have resources to make it work, but they won’t take the effort. Then you have BAM & MAC who can’t make it work because, well MAC is fucking crazy, really he is. Who do you feel worse for the delusional or the helpless?

When company culture changes

Blogger #2

I am not happy with the direction my department in this company is going. Things are really changing in the way our jobs are measured and they are putting more and more emphasis on quantity and doing things faster faster faster and they are becoming more and more unrealistic regarding what one person can accomplish. Not just with me but with everyone. It’s like they are seeing less and less as humans and more like numbers or machines.

When I came to this company I liked that they WEREN’T like that, but now things are changing. It happened so slowly that I did not realize it until now. I wish that companies would not change like that. I feel like this has happened to me many times – I take a job and it slowly morphs into something else, something that I don’t like anymore. I wonder if this is just the nature of technology because the technology is always changing and taking more and more of what the employees used to do so that the employees are expected to do more. I don’t know if that is it or if I am just a terrible employee.

I really wanted to stay at this company until I was ready to stay at home with my kids, I wanted to be with this company at least 4 years. But November will be 3 years for me and I don’t even know if I can make it that long. I have never made it past 3 years with any one company since I graduated college.

I really worry that I am a dissatisfied worker or something. But I do feel like I am putting in every effort!

I don’t know.

douchey things

Blogger #1
I am not sure when this happened, but at some point in time either some of my friends became more douchey or I became less douchey. However, it has happened. Let me list some examples of the douchey things I have heard people I or my husband is around have said:

I have expanded my listening (music); I listen to Lady Gaga now. (Are you so fucking elitist that you can’t just enjoy music? Everyone likes Lady Gaga, would like a fucking metal for it?)

The Muppets are emotionally one dimensional. (Really, ass…the Muppets? You are going to rip on the Muppets; what kind of heartless bastard rips on the Muppets? Have you heard Rainbow Connection; it is an emotional rollercoaster?)

That wedding was too contrived. (It is a fucking wedding. All weddings are contrived…do you know what contrived means?)

Bands shouldn’t cover songs by The Cure. (The Cure sucks ass.)

Then there are explanations of why the movie Mac & Me was not a good movie. (It was a rip off of ET made in the 80’s; this is not a revelation to the world.)

So at some point my friends hopped on the douche rocket. I’m done.

“friends”

Blogger #1

I get blogger #2′s post I really do. I live in a world were people are constantly telling me I am “special” or “unique.” Why the heck does everyone feel the need to label each other. Why can’t we accept our friends for who they are without acting as if they are a novelty suvineer at a freak show?

My point is…..I never have a point this is just rambling. I am not sure what happened on my way to collecting friends in this City I live in, but they aren’t the type of friends I was used to growing up. I feel like people leave their home town and go to college and find these awesome friends who help them become who they were always intended to be. I didn’t find that. I had friends in high school who got me, they showed up to things on time, they didn’t blow me off, they didn’t use their sarcastic powers for evil. What have I found since high school…..the complete opposite of all those things.  My friends show up 30 min to an hour late or not at all without calling. They say things that are hurtful and pretend they didn’t say them. They don’t understand my humor a lot of the time. They also have next to nothing in common with me. I open my mouth and I get the “what the hell” look all the time. We don’t watch the same TV shows, don’t listen to the same music, they don’t know about directors, they don’t like the movies I like, they don’t read comics, they aren’t into SciFi, the list goes on. I also have found I have collected a lot of friends who don’t listen. I listen and listen to all their shit all day long and the moment I am like, “I am doing (insert mood here)” all communication ceases. All communication until I send them a message saying, “how are you?” only to open myself up to another string of whiney bullshit.

With that said, blogger #2 and I have been friends since high school. We went through a rough patch in the late 90′s but we are on track and daily I wonder what I would do without her. I also have some friends at work that I like quiet a bit. Work friendship dynamics are always weird because you hang out with them every day, so hanging out outside of work sometimes seems redundant, though outside of work we have a very good time. I wonder sometimes what I would ever do when S finally realizes her boyfriend is a dick and moves back to her home state because she hates the midwest. I have a few other friends that are reliable and easy to hang out with. It is refreshing. Unfortunately those types of people are in high demand in this City I live in so you have to book them weeks in advance.

What spawned this rant is last week a friend was said she was coming over. Not only did she not show up at all she didn’t call to say she wasn’t going to show up. Then she said she was going to come by Tuesday, she comes by Monday and shows up 30 min later than she said she would. I would like to say this is uncommon with many of the people I have been friends with since graduating high school, but it is not. I had a friend, S, who once left me waiting in a parking lot for an hour and a half. Another time when we were to drive from my home town back to this City she made me wait 2 hours while she finished laundry before our 10 hour drive. The list goes on and on.

However, I have an amazing husband. He loves me. He respects me. He helps me grow. He is the best friend I could ever wish to have and I am thankful for him every day. Even the days he pisses me off and I know that I have something more wonderful than I could have hoped for in a husband. When I prayed that God make him into the man I needed for a husband I know that God was doing His good work.

So, this is the end of this rant for today.

Something about friends

Blogger #2

I guess I always took it for granted that my friends in high school and college “got” my sense of humor. I know for a fact they appreciated sarcasm and understood that sometimes when life sucks, it’s helpful to just mock it. That dark humor is still humor, and doesn’t mean you are a bad person with serious issues (even though I might be).

When I moved to this city out of college I spent a lot of time doing a lot of stuff I would later regret and as I recovered from all that, I was with other people who were recovering and so I felt pretty at home with them.

Just now I am looking around and realizing there is no one close to me in this city that understands my kind of humor. I don’t know if it is because Christian communities spend so much time trying to make everything look happy or what.

Most of the time I pretty much keep quiet in large groups. I talk about our kids a lot because it’s neutral. When I make jokes sometimes people misunderstand them and get offended. I have thought long and hard about the things that offended them and I still think they are funny and don’t regret them.

I had to shut down my Twitter account. I am going to build up a new one with people who get my freaking humor. Maybe I will start a secret blog! Oh wait, yeah, that’s what this is…

Work drama

Blogger #2

Couldn’t we all just post endlessly about work drama??

Or is that just where I work?

Anyway, last night one of the people I do work for submitted a request that was not put together correctly so that when I attempted to execute it, it produced an error. This happens about 50% of the time.  Frequently the people we do our work for do not learn from their mistakes and their first reaction to having made a mistake is to blame someone else.

Nevertheless, this person made a simple error of leaving some lines blank so I sent the text of the error received back to him, which is what we do when we get an error. Most of the time the person understands the error, corrects it, and sends it back and everything is fine.

Not this guy. He sends the request back to me basically saying that I should do his request anyway…even though I can’t, because what he sent returned errors. All he had to do was insert zeros in the lines where he did not have any data. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he didn’t know that (of course he did) and sent it back again explaining that all he needs to do is insert zeros if he does not want anything to show up in those lines. I also mentioned that his team lead or the person who does the training on this tool could help him use the tool if he was having issues.
This dipwad somehow interpreted this as being a personal attack on himself (what?) and sent back a huge long email to me, his manager, and his team lead. In this email he stated that:

• he is tired of me giving “advices” (yes, that is what he called it)
• I don’t know what I am doing
• this is a professional company and there is no reason he should need training (everyone needs training at some point)
• I am being disrespectful of him
• he doesn’t want me doing his requests anymore

Over-reacting much??

Seriously, this is an adult doing this. It was so ridiculous.

Also, it’s too bad that I’m the only person online working on requests from about 8PM-10PM. Cause last night some requests from him came through…but since he doesn’t want me doing them…never got done!

The Invention of Lying

Blogger #1

Last night I tried to watch a movie with Ricky Gervase (I am not sure how to spell his name but no one reads this anyway so what does it matter). The Invention of Lying.

Let me start of by explaining that over Christmas my husband and I visited a popular chain of Christian book stores and purchased a read the Bible in one year book. I do not read it every day, but at least 4 times a week so I can get through it before I turn 40. I am a Christian. I am reading the crazy Old Testament and seeing how God had to tell the Jews a million times not to have sex with animals and their mother or their father’s wives and their sisters. Why did God have to say more than once, “don’t have sex with animals” but he did. However, he only said “men don’t have sex with men” once.

So, on watching this movie The Invention of Lying: half way through the movie RG’s character makes up…well basically Christianity. This pissed me off. It did…it really did. I didn’t finish the movie, not because I thought watching it would send me to the pits of hell, because that isn’t how it works. I stopped watching it because I didn’t care about the movie anymore. It was bleak and the idea that the only way religion could exist is if everyone was lied to is awful. Really, really awful. So, as a Christian I was offended by this movie because they used Christianity as their basis for a made up religion. If they had used Buddhism or Hinduism as the basis Buddhist and Hindus should be offended. So, as a Christian I was offended. So, I turned it off.

With this said, being a Christian who does not have many Christian friends and accepts all my friends for who they are and loves them as they are I have an issue with myself being offended and spend much time figuring out why I can be offended at this. My friends don’t have to share my beliefs and I am okay with that, but I will not watch something that mocks my faith. It does nothing but tear me down and make me feel like crap. So, I read my Bible last night about how the walls came down in Jericho and felt so much better than watching Jennifer Garner and Ricky Gervase in a depressing bleak movie. I am okay with that. I can be offended. And that is something I keep having to tell myself.